Searching...

It seems at this current point in my life, I'm at a place where all I see myself doing is waiting for something to happen. I'm in my senior year of college and I still don't have much of a clue about what I want to do with my life. I feel like the problem with being passionate about so many things is that it becomes difficult to want to commit to something. I also have the tendency to not want to do something unless I know that I'm going to be really good at it. For whatever reason I struggle with those first steps in pursuing something. I have an extremely analytical mind, so I can usually over think something to the point of exhaustion. My biggest fear in all of this, is that it is time for me to make a move and I'm all out of time outs.

Blown away

Wow. This seemed appropriate for my first post. Tonight I watched a video about the love of Christ. It was a skit about a girl who got caught up in materialism, then people who pretended to care about her, then money, then alcohol, then cutting herself. She then felt so depressed that she almost shot herself in the head. All the while, the actor playing Jesus was slowly dieing. He died and rose again and the girl desperately started running towards him. Then all of the actors that played all of the pains (The cutting and the fake friends etc.) began forcing her back and not letting her get to Jesus. Finally Jesus stepped in and held all of the other actors back from her and she found peace. He destroyed them and they were together again.

The imagery of God's love displayed that way really hit me deeply. It really seems true that words cannot exactly describe our relationship with Jesus. It made me think about my own struggles and how I constantly try to battle them. My pride, lust, and selfishness seem to have beat me down.

I don't claim to know what it means to be with God or to be a Christian.
I don't claim to know that I understand the path God has picked out for me or for anyone. I can not say to you that Christianity is the only way to God, or that religion and church bring you to him.

All I can say is that I have felt God's love for me before, and I have been changed by it. Some may ask how I knew it was God's love and not just in my own head. I would say that there is no possible way that I can save myself from myself. In other words, the hurtful things in this world like the ones in the skit have effected me because of choices I have made. It was not because of me or my thoughts that I was set free. There is no one else in existence that would run a hundred miles an hour into the darkest most painful places, full of suffering and hopelessness, just to get me and pull me out. My hope is in Jesus, the true protector and keeper of me.